Intelligent Car

I leave for work, shutting the door and hoping it may,
go more smoothly than it has done every other day.
I listen to the trees and hear the morning birds sing
and think it’s a wonderful daybreak so far.
But I know that can’t last and I turn to wondering
what on earth made me buy an intelligent car.
As I open the door I pause, and offer up a quick prayer.
“Oh please let today be different. This is utterly unfair.”
I duck my head, twist, then slide into the driver’s side
in a display of the car entering ballet
“Good morning Dave,” the car punctures my pride
“So where do you wish to travel today?”
“I’m going to the office,” It’s how I usually reply.
I’ve given other responses but it matters not what I try.
“I beg to differ Dave I’ve linked with your diary
and analysed it to see where you go.
The results state at this time you go to the infirmary
Do you mind if I override Yes/No?”
I call it an arrogant, moronic and worthless conveyance,
knowing that whatever I say will not make any difference.
I’m rapidly enraged and exit slamming the door.
Just one time I’d like another outcome
But I have to go to work so I count to ten before
I open the door and again I succumb.
“Please put on your seatbelt,” the car says with some urgency.
“Predicted time is ten minutes to accident and emergency.”
I flick any switch that I can find on the dash
as the car starts and is off like a rocket.
I hear the tyres’ squealing chord as I suffer whiplash
and it’s halfway down the road before I can stop it.
I try the handle but the door’s been locked. Just once more as the diplomat.
I say “Open the door please”. “I’m sorry Dave. I’m afraid I can’t do that.”
“You’re not going to like this and may feel that it’s petty
but I don’t want anything concealed.
With your recent activity you’re now hot and sweaty
and climate control baulks if the car isn’t sealed.”
I kick. I punch. I strike and I pound and I curse the car to damnation.
But it has little effect and I finish by headbutting the wheel in frustration.
And as the red starts to trickle over my eyes
and I spy the blood on the dash, door, and seat
then I think to myself “this wasn’t so wise”.
and gradually come to accept my defeat.
Then the world starts to spin and I place my head between my knees
and just before I faint I utter “Take me to the hospital please.”


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