On Christmas day in the morning
Father Christmas awoke stretching and yawning.
His wife Mary immediately helped him to rise.
A situation where he was taken by surprise.
He saw that his Christmas stockings had been filled.
A delightful situation with which he was thrilled.
It came as a great relief to Santa, as well it might,
for as usual this day had followed a long, hard night.
He entered the bathroom used the loo and bidet.
Just went through the motions as he planned his day,
and while busy was joined by Mary who,
while he took a shower went to the loo.
The first task of the day was the workshop inspection
to ensure everything was safe and no chance of infection.
The elves were already up and planning for next year,
testing the toys, such as the dolls or toy reindeer.
The forewoman made them dress safely before play.
They were ribbed mercilessly if they failed, in any way.
But the elves wanted to wear the tinsel and thought it a farce
they just found the intrusion to be a pain in the arse.
Some played with the ‘Roger the Rabbit’ dolls, some the farmyard set,
some with the crocodiles (and the ‘Basic Electronics’ don’t forget).
They snacked on chocolate bunnies off the tree during a brief stop
while the Christmas fairy looked down on them from its seat at the top.
They had a tradition of eating out on Christmas Day
but this year Mary had had a couple of elves slaving away.
She carried in the dinner to be laid on the table
and they all helped themselves as long as they were able.
When all were sated then all agreed that it had been a tasty spread
and wanted to know just how she did it, or at least that’s what they said.
“Lashings of sage and parsley and dill do make a good stuffing
and as for the appearance ensure that the service has a good buffing.”
Then as Father Christmas was known as a bit of a wag
they turned to the crackers which each held a gag.
Mary meanwhile realised they’d run out of things to sup
“But not to worry,” she said, “I’ll soon whip something up.”
At the exchanging of presents Santa gave to his wife
a selection of teddies, enough to last her for life.
While she in return gave a collection of muffs which might
keep his hands warm on a cold Christmas Eve night.
Then the telling of stories. Mary liked mysteries quite a bit
and told them a tale where it turned out that the butler did it.
Santa always preferred to spin a yarn about the selfless
this year about the boy who was scared, but plugged up the dyke regardless.
Some of the elves had gone out to play with their camcorder
and Father Christmas went to check that everything was in order.
There was quite a commotion from the stable where Rudolph had his bed.
He could hear occasional snatches of song that sounded like “Rudolph the red…”
“…had a very shiny…” seemed another popular line in the elves’ video
in which Rudolph appeared to have quite an extended cameo.
The elves had all the gear, saddles, helmets, bridle with bit, and the crop
which came to rest on the runners when the director let it drop.
He felt that perhaps he ought to clamp down on them. They were being a bit rough.
But he already knew that Rudolph would refuse once he’d had enough.
Santa and Mary had already had several exchanges
debating the wisdom of ringing the changes.
So in early evening Santa bade his farewells
and went off alone to pull the church bells.
When he got back, to ensure the scene would pass muster
Mary had gone from top to bottom with the feather duster.
It was time to wrap things up and she insisted on holding a ball
and, it was generally agreed, a very merry Christmas was had by all.